Bur #318 reporting: Primary objectives have been met. Ready Parent Organism Beta 51.2-6 for execution of Stage Two. I repeat: Stage One…
In order to “purify the Internet’s cultural environment and protect the healthy development of minors,” the Chinese government is targeting search…
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
WASHINGTON—According to the Department of Homeland Security, the U.S. could soon find itself in a “very real” 5/25 scenario, as well as a potential 3/7 situation.
CAMP DAVID, MD—The Federal Aviation Administration said engine failure was to blame for a pilot losing control of a four-seater Cessna…
After nearly two months of recounts, Al Franken is the likely winner of the contested Minnesota Senate race. What do you think?
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The MacBook Wheel lets consumers accomplish everyday tasks like typing with just a few dozen spins and clicks of a wheel.
LAS VEGAS—In his greatest feat to date, lazy daredevil Pete “The Idler” Nucci will attempt to lie across 12 couches in under an hour this…
DUNDEE, IL—”This is what Christmas is all about,” said a police investigator, who found the unconscious body after responding to complaints of a loud crash.
A study published in The New England Journal Of Medicine says that postmenopausal women experience an increase in libido with a testosterone…
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Executives at Google, the rapidly growing online-search company that promises to “organize the world’s information,” announced Monday the latest step in their expansion effort: a far-reaching plan to destroy all the information it is unable to index.
KNOXVILLE, TN—Archaeologists say the ancient Internet users must have struggled to understand the frightening new technology.
ANN ARBOR, MI—After calling the device “the item single-handedly responsible for the erosion of our nation’s social and cultural foundation” for close to a decade, Jason Whiting gave in to social pressures this weekend and bought a cell phone.
KANSAS CITY, MO—The new Hallmark-brand feelings will fill any gaps left by the company’s “Thinking of You” and “Just Because” categories.
NEW YORK—Stacker, the new first-person vertical-crate-arranger, has been lauded by parents’ groups for its non-immersive game play.
NEW YORK—Nearly two dozen staffers, including four Pulitzer Prize winners and a Baghdad correspondent, have requested transfers to the Times’ Home and Garden and Travel desks.
CHICAGO—”Man, no way we’re getting any more work done this year,” said atomic physicist Dr. Thom Frederiksen after viewing the ridiculously huge atom.
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
COLLEGE STATION, TX–Agricultural scientists around the world are hailing what is being called “the biggest breakthrough in biotechnology since the breakthrough it fixes.”
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